Barely slept for three hours last night and to consider it was my off. Got a phone call around late eveningish, which made me go down on my knees and cry. Called a friend also and cried. :(

I cannot handle deaths, and I do not know how this is going to be. I don't want '87, '97 and '98 to be repeated, I'm still young. I fight and I talk shite, and I say I've seen the world and have grown up a lot, but when I think about 'that,' I'm very much an inexperienced kid. :(

Whenever I fight, I shudder to think, it'll be the last. I shudder to think, every call I make, will be the last. I shudder to think the world without you. I'm just plain scared. Really scared. If I haven't lost this battle, that is because you are with me, I love you. :( :(

I cannot continue, if you ain't with me. It's too early. Who am I going to experience my first timers with? I'm yet to have so many first timers. You've taught me so many things. 10th June' 91, still makes me cry. I miss you Gubli, Gubli stuck on right? So many names, so many things. So many fights, so many stories, so many laughter, so many lessons, we've learnt together.

When they were taking my away dad, I was standing up on the choto jaanla, cried and asked everyone where they were taking him. :( Daddy. From thereon, whenever we'd have Open house/PTM, I'd see everyone's dad and think where is mine, but then you'd come along and I'd forget him in an instant and come running up to you, and smother ye with kisses, I'd never have a dad complex. I don't want to feel that feeling ever again. I see no light, no path, I feel directionless without you. Despite all the arguments, I've always admired you, because you are one person who has lived up to everyone's expectations. :)