Coffee overdose

I can't sleep anymore :(
Brain is so active, and it's not a good thing.


I need sleep. :(

Cats sleep for 16/18 hours a day. :|
No rub-offs yet. Sigh.

After Sand left, and Kundu is on a trip too, I thought I would never get the right people to gel with, at work.
But, we seemed to have formed a trio again at work. Debb, Prat and me. :)

The things we do, the redness on Prat's face, whenever Debb says something to me..

Being subtle is good, all this is becoming very evident, and it's not even an ego boost.

I went to work yesterday, and as soon as I saw Debb, I just wanted to run home.
We both had a purple tee on. She had this purple tee, and I had this brinjal-ish purple Ajile tee. People, of course though we planned this. All, I wanted to do was flee.
Then Suhasini walked in with the same color, and everyone in the team burst out laughing.

Now, I have a three day off, Debb has eight day exam leave.
We three are planning to meet tomorrow after her exam, planning to go for some stupid movie. Unstoppable or some shit. :( I miss the camera, this would have been fun, but it's in safe hands. :)

Her- Are you really this scared around, Scorpions ?
Me- I'm not scared. I'm just too fickle minded, or maybe too insane. But, why Scorpions, suddenly ?
Her- I'M A SCORPION.
Me- Oh yeah. *shiver*
Me- Okay, tell me, what are you really passionate about ?
Her- Mhmm, reading books ?
Me- The Arthur Dent, types ? Hitch hikersssssssssssssss. :|
Her- Hehe, The answer is, No.
Me- *Offers her a Munch*
Her- *Takes it, gives it to Prateek*
Me- What the fuck !! Why did you do that ? *looks hurt*
Her- I abhor chocolates.
Me- *starts singing* *Tinka tinkaaaaaa, zaaara zaara*
Her- Get off me. :|

Why do people have to be this lonely ? What's the point of it all ? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why ? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness ?
— Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

My first Murakami, ever. :)

Not random, after all..

The 'bechara-ness' is getting to me. Have I gone too soft in the heart ? No, I was always soft. What the fuck. Why do certain accidents happen ? Chow and mine was fine, we turned out to be such good friends, despite the distance, despite the fact that I'm so bad keeping in touch, and now Sand, he's gone too, but with some people you just know, and it's always with guys, I know. I love this, either they want to be your friend or they do not, there is no in-betweens. :) I love you Sandy and Chow.

I need to deal with this alone. I need MY space.
Thank God, I have a three day leave, but I have the leave, exactly when she has her MCA exams. WTF.

I feel so bechara AGAIN. Jesus Christ, help me. :X :x :x :x :x
I don't want to break anyone's heart. I can't be roooood.

Not to M not to D. Not to you too, Joojoo. I love you Joojoo, I love the fact that I can talk to you about anything, and you always know, what I'm trying to say, you always get it, except for times when it concerns us, that's when you are Ms. Cy. My Cy. :)

Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time.- Murakami.

Day burns down to night, burns the edge of my soul. In the night I break into sparks of suns, and become fires in a dust of bones. Night knifes, my breath swallows whole my tongue. Turn back, reverse return In the night. I see the real concealed in the day's bright lie, eyes stitched shut, white teeth smile, sleep walks and talks and feet mark time of day.

Okayokay, yes I did watch the English version of the movie in B'lore, but last night watched the Original Swedish one, I don't know which one I liked better.

After effects of the movie, go offline immediately, run up to the chaad, stay up there from 1am-5am, can't sleep, can't do anything, just smoking. How could I forget the stupid English movie and the effect it had on me. God, and now Meek. Fark.

I'm re downloding the English one, again. :|
Lack.

Connection. Found a friend in a friend. :) :)

I was about to board the metro last evening, when I texted Debb..
Me- 6:35 boarding the train
Debb- Have you boarded already ? (We texted each other at the same time)
After half an hour..
Me- In Girish park, where are you ?
Debb- I'm about to board
Me- Okay baby
After 10 min
Me- I'm in your station, Shyambazar.
No reply
After around five minutes..
Me- Debb, I have a weird feeling we might be on the same train.
Debb- Even, I think so
In Dumdum, I get off from the train..
I hear a voice..
Arrey tumi ? :O :)
Me- Why, YES.

At least, Zom and I used to plan trips, his is just a station before mine, so he would always stand in front of the last door, I would see him from the platform and then enter. But this ? Considering Jatin Das Park is FAR from Shyambazar, and it wasn't even planned.

They say, if you are with someone for too long, their attitude rubs off on you after a point and vica versa. I've had cats at home from the age of fourteen/fifteen, even less. They are SO nonchalant about everything around them, unless of course it concerns them.

So, my question is, when is that attitude going to rub off on me ? At some point also, even I don't care what happens to anyone, and I know when or after what that, point comes, but that takes time.

Is it why Murakami keeps writing about cats in ALL his books ?
Characteristics of a cat, from what I've seen.

Indifferent yet sensitive.
Confident.
Intuitive.
Lazy.
Aware of their surroundings.
Solitary yet very social.
Definitely NOT loyal.


I love it when they purr, drives me crazy. :) :)

Her: Who's the broken one now ?
Him: You are. Still you.
Her: What did you say ?
Him: Still you.

On our way back..
Sand- You were right. *smile*
Me- Ki byaparey ?
Sand- About her. She is not arrogant at all, and such a nice girl.
Me- Oh yes, she is, and such a nice and gullible person, too. She is my bacchha, literally, great kid.
Sand- Hmm
Me- Don't be jealous, Sand.
Sand- *again smile*

I really have a MAJOR thing for smile and laughter, sort of a fetish, I guess.

Kundu's boubhat, one of my oldest (closest) friend here at work, along with Sandy and we both are going to have fun, our standard line to him, 'Jockey porey biye korbi toh ?'

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold..

He just watched me, as my tears fell.
And then he got up and came to me.

I'm going to make sure, I'm never going to involve myself emotionally with anyone anymore, unless I'm very sure, he loves me, more than I love him. You will say, then it is not love, if I'm going to plan so much. I will say, let it not be.

Let it not be.

Why ?

I should just plain stop using this word with people.

Did I tell you I love eating Lip Gloss ? Only eating. :P

Phew! Zeesh buzzed after two weeks and I apologized. He said, it's okay. Whatever, it is okay, means! :( :@

We five had a phone conference. Gossiped about every other person at work, TL/GL Manager, some girls and most guys. :(
Some guy talk that was. :)

21 Grams.
Inception.
Shattered Glass.
Antaheen.
The talented Mr. Ripley.
Killing words.
The social network.
All about Steve.
Valentine's day.
Aisha.

:)

The truth makes everything else, seem like a lie.

I lost Debb's rubber band and the clutch. Some reputation I have of losing people's stuff. Especially the shades. :@ :|

I can't wait for Wednesday, it's Kundu's Boubhat, this is going to be super fun. :) :)

I'm having Chocochip Ice-cream.

And, where are you Winter ? Where ? Please, you need to be here ASAP.

Bin tere
Bin tere
Bin tere
Koi khalish hai
Hawaon mein bin tere

Trial room shot

Take one. Very funny.

There's always words.. words.. so many words to choose from.

Meaningful words, pointless words and there are words that hurt.

Only words.

How does it feel when you walk into a mall and pay for a Hoodie Rs 3000 and the cashier hands you just Re 1 in return ? :| :@

My heart breaks. :( This is why I like plastic money.

Wtf expression !!

An attention seeker and show off by default.

That was SO direct, and I just laughed. :P

I love my hair in Winter.

It's the thought that counts, they say that.

You are always in my thoughts. I know it must be hard for you, but you chose this, we did. :)
It's simple, I miss you, this should sum up everything, I refrain from typing here. :D

God bless..

Black coffee is in, everything else is out.

I love you, San. Very very very much.

I need mental peace, I hope Sunday is an off.

I wish I were carrying the coupons last evening, I saw this lovely Adidas black Jacket at Shoppers' stop, I hope the jacket is there till my next off.

Everything changes. :'( :'(

Impromptus

After being in touch on and off, me losing interest as usual. He kept texting with a Hi every time, he'd be here in Cal. The usual happened today morning at 2:30, and as usual he thought I wouldn't reply, but I did, because my manager was irritating me and I was shit bored, and we planned to meet on Wednesday.

He asked me what I was up to, I said I'd be getting off from work in about half an hour or so, and then he was silent. After which he came up with the craziest idea of meeting at 4/5am for breakfast, right then. He thought I'd ditch, I would have, but I went anyway, and on meeting him, I made it clear to him that I met him ONLY because he came up with the craziest idea, something I'd come up with, but of course I never have the company. :|

Anyway, so Kundu and Debb looked for cab at 4:30am told me to enjoy myself and I left. We planned to meet in Azad hind (I can't help it, this is Calcutta, nothing opens before eight, not even Barista) and for the first time at 5am, it was closed. We walked for quite a while, talking about comics, movies, people, Law, craziest ideas, etc, reached Maddox square took a right, reached Basement,(told me a couple of things about Basement which of course I did not know, I told him the place sucked) took another left, he showed me the place he used to go for his Math tuition, and took me to this Ajanta Dhaba for tea and smokes (Chai Sutta), and I have to say this, but the tea was out of this bloody world, and this is coming from someone who loves Coffee more than anything, he made me listen to some crazy shit which I took from his phone via Bluetooth, jabbered away to glory, told me a lot about Bombay.

He said if I were planning to stay in Bombay for only two days, it's better we are in "town." Places like Colaba, Marine drive, Nariman point, anything beyond Churchgate, asked me to visit Leopold cafe (I said I read up already) and Cafe M (I forget the name), and asked me to do a lot of street shopping, apparently you get the weirdest stuff there. Told me about this place in Calcutta, called Plush, I think, where on Wednesdays you pay 1k and you can booze all you want, asked him to find out a couple of things about that place. And right now, as I was looking him up, I just found out, who his brother was. :| Bloody Calcutta, and it was the first time I met him today, after 4/5 years of knowing him. But, it's been a great day and tomorrow my manager is taking the entire team out for dinner. :) :) :)

Okay, I still don't like RHS, he has changed. :| Can't be helped, shit happens.

LDR. Long distance relationship.

Sigh. :|

Here I go again on my own
goin' down the only road I've ever known.
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
but here I go again, here I go again,
here I go again, here I go.

Shit, thaanda porchey, and abar paa'er tolaye oi betha'ta shuru hoye gechey. :(
I miss someone pressing my leg. :|

How you almost knew everything about me, and now I have to literally explain things to people. The comfort of nobody knowing me feels rather nice, there is always a but. :'(

Red Xpress, I didn't know is a chain of Red hot chilli peppers. :) And, it's just next door to my office, maybe some time this week we will plan a trip there, and Debb is joining work today. :)

And that is how he left, just a phone call and Goodbye.
I appreciate that, weird.
Don't know/can't tell, whether I am ever going to see him or not. But I know, silence from my side is not misunderstood, for once. :)
You will always be in my heart.

Why do I have this thing ?
How can I feel so much of pain for a bloody stranger ? Why or how can I cry at that person's pain ? How is it even remotely possible ? How, just how ? :| :| :X

Very good. :| :| :| :| :| :|

:( :'(
I read the blog. Can't be helped. I've been in that place too many times, there have been moments, when I have cried the whole night away, without letting the person next to me, know. :( :(

On the work front, everyone's been bitching about RHS. Today morning we were. Alvin, Rahul, Bharat, Supratim and I. After, I have shifted back things have taken a turn for the worse, I mean it doesn't bother me, but it's irritating to see our team perform so good, and there is not one bit of acknowledgement. :| None of these bother me, I sit right at the end, do my own stuff and get out. Three more months, 90 days. For Eighteen months, just apply for IPP or IJP, hopefully get through and just leave for the next level, whatever that is.

And, I should really stop eating chocolates. No really. :|

Raj called to congratulate me, and then it pissed me off that he couldn't hear a word, I was saying, my phone sucks, period. :( I miss him, three more weeks, before I see him I guess, his father is very ill.

And now, Munni just woke me up, I had crashed due to the terrible migraine, she was at the Delhi Airport, boarding the flight to come back home. :)

I just had khejoor and Aam shottor'er chaatnee. :P

Emotional escape. :'(


You tell yourself: I'll be gone
To some other land, some other sea,
to a city lovelier far than this
Could ever have been or hoped to be—
Where every step now tightens the noose:
A heart in a body buried and out of use;
How long, how long must I be here
Confined among these dreary purlieus
Of the common mind? Wherever now I look
Black ruins of my life rise into view.
So many years have I been here
Spending and squandering and nothing gained.

Mama, I love you. :)

:) :) :) :) :) :)

D.H. Lawrence
Jane Austen
Thomas Hardy
Louisa May Alcott
Murakami
Issac Asimov
Beckett
Emily Bronte
Tom Clancy
Mary Higgins Clark
Doyle
Yeats
H.G. Wells
Virginia Woolf
Plath

Munni called in the morning, I couldn't wake up. Stupid STD code, I thought it was Vodafone. :|

I'm so ill. :( I feel so cold, going to work in the evening's. Bypass'e ki thanda laagey, but it's not yet time for the woolens. ;)
I got a new HP retractor and five Bournevilles, I really earned it, it was fun at work last night.

Stocking up movies for next three days.

Now, we are experiencing the Bangalore climate here, lovely. :P

Okay, I have a runny nose, all thanks to Debb and Kundu, at 3am they got me down from tower four to "hang out" with them, and it was so windy then. Debb is probably going to reach Amritsar at around 2pm. :)

I woke up a while back, and felt so cold. Just took a bath with hot water, warm water. :| God, why am I so delicate ? :@

I think I should stay in bed, today. But, I can't, work is going so good, plus Bharat challenged me this week, so I can't bunk. But Rakha was happy to see the healthy competition at work, all's good. I want mummy, you and syrup. :( :'(