Yet again, it's my fault, all my fault.

Always have been, always will be. :) :P


I don't know my friends anymore, or may be I know them too well, if I can so well predict their steps. So much for love ? ;)


Sheer disappointment,
But like I say, I'm happy if it makes them happy, even though I know it's momentary happiness for them.

Sigh !!

Such self control, I have. :) :)

I am so proud of myself. :D :P

.. and suddenly everyone is in town.

Partaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy !!

What fun. :P

Look into my eyes
It's the only way you'll know I'm telling the truth

Last night was bad, just couldn't sleep at all, no matter how much I tried. Sorry to put you in a position where you have to handle the two of us, with our 'issues.' It's not fair on you especially when you are still coping with your 'situation.' I know it isn't, but I can not help it. I have tried so much not to talk about it, not to care, to be nonchalant, but it isn't working, this time around.

All of a sudden it feels like the end of the '06 and beginning of '07, though the situation were completely different. And the worst part is, I know all that is happening, but my mind refuses to understand or is it my heart, again ?

Sleepless and I have work today.

Two more days to go. :D

I miss SB and SG.

I want Muffin. :(

You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. -Breakfast at Tiffany's.

It's nice when someone knows, what exactly makes me jealous, but I hate it when I have to show it, it's not me. And then there is always the eternal question, what if ?

I have discovered. Lovex !! :P :P :P :P

Yay !!


Through the darkness and broken glass
I'll come for you, if you only ask
And there I'll stand
Just for you

She says, I always forget my immediate past too soon. Well, I guess she is right, now my mother and she would gel on this statement. :)

Sigh !!

Love is there, but there are days when we are so weird. It doesn't take a minute to be hostile to each other, to throw words at each other without thinking twice (once that are said in confidence). I'm hurt and she is doubly hurt. But it doesn't stop here now or today, it will continue, and it's all my fault, I bring this upon myself every so often. I misunderstand people. :(

I took back all that I said, but I should know one cannot take back words. I think whoever I come in contact with, I eventually end up damaging them, and steal whatever good they have in them (I can even steal their soul). Now why I do that, I'm yet to figure out.

Anyway since everyone is so busy, I thought I'd put down something here, this is MY space. :)
I love you my space, heh.



My hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption

Will it or won't it ?

A friend says, I'm not giving you what you get from everyone else.

And I sigh. Pout. *heart break*


Then, give me something extraordinary ? I say to myself.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !!

Just one week left, I can hardly wait now. Something fun, something good, after finally such a long time. :) And the bonus is FOOD. :D :D


Your breath hot upon my cheek, and we crossed, that line
you made me strong when I was feeling weak, and we crossed, that one time
screaming stop signs, staring wild eyes, keep on flashing, flashing by.

So why don't we join the masquerade
Before it all falls apart before our love becomes insatiate

What does tomorrow want with me
What does it matter what I see
If I can't choose my own design
Tell me where do we draw the line.

I like this feeling.

O the stale old dogs who pretend to guard
the morals of the masses,
how smelly they make the great back-yard
wetting after everyone that passes. - D H Lawrence

I don't like the fact that he was possibly gay !! :( :(

Tonights decision..

Tonight is bad, 17th wasn't that bad. Maybe because 17th's conversation was about me, and I took full responsibility of it, but this isn't my fault. I was so fucked up then, and I shouldn't even be judged on the basis of that, as if you need a chat conversation to know me.

So much has changed in these three years, we've fought so much over stupid stuff and have gotten so close (differently), that if something hurts you today, even before you feel sad, I'm in tears not for myself, but for your pain. Is it even possible ? Yes, it is, I have that in me, I could almost feel it over the phone, I always do.

Maybe 'he' shouldn't have trusted a stranger (me) then, but had I judged you then, you wouldn't have been my closest friend today, I cannot think the world without you, like I cannot without, Richu. You are that close, and you should know.

After the 17th of June'09, I'm a changed person, you and I both know that. And thank you, for that. I don't care about anyone else, except a few, I can even count, five trusted friends I have and I don't consider anyone else my friend, let alone trust them or even hang out with them. I don't care about the bitching that goes around outside 'my' world, I'm above all this. Really. It sickens me. A lit bit of fun here and there is fine, but what has to be there is, a lot of Compassion and Goodness, and you have that, that is why you are my friend.

Ok, now I need to sleep. We shall continue this tomorrow morning, hopefully. I love you, and I'm sorry once again.

Our crushed plans and my lies. :P

It's not about you, they said.

Ebaba !! Jaah !! :( :(

What is happening ? :X


Carry on.


Ghumiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. :P

It's good to see her getting the taste of her own medicine. This was due.

It does come around. So much more, still to come. :P


Times are A changin'

Last night we (Shion and me) were walking arm in arm on Church Street, we bumped into V and A. She looked at both of us, Shion looked at her, wanting to stop but didn't, and of course the oblivious me, didn't care to notice, I was busy chattering.

I hate old people, (though V wasn't ever MY friend) their mere presence is disturbing. I hate keeping in touch, I hate meeting and the worst part is to call and wish them for their birthday, I wish forgetting was easy, but it isn't. We must all live with our demons. But yesterday was good.

And Sani is coming here on the 19th, Shion and I keep planning and re planning. Something with a purpose, something exciting. :P

Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, I asked her the same question, which I ask myself quite often, though it is not applicable to me.

Why are people SO bitter about their past ? Is it because they still care, is it because there is a part which they can not let go ?

Why don't they remember the good side of things, sure they've had their fun, so why not ? Is hatred so strong that it engulfs every thing in sight, the good times, the fun, the laughter, the joy, the promises made to one another.