Heartfelt.

Well, that is me, in case you are wondering.

Spoilt rotten, totally on this trip. By my mother, my friends, and I mean all my friends. I'm seriously lucky.

And Guha too, who wasn't with us. He'd call up not less than ten times a day to find out what I/we are upto. Every morning, I'd come online and instead of a hey, he would say, what's the programmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? never for a single mo', did I feel that he wasn't among us.

This trip was special. Some things unsaid, but yes there was closure. And you'll be glad to know, I understand things for what/how they are now. One more day to go.

Thanks to
SR, SB, RM1, RM2, CB, SG (even though, he wasn't physically present)

and my mother.. :)

To the pagol meye :D

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One




END.

Dated: 25th November' 08.

And now, I know, what a fool I once was, trusting those who do not even bat an eyelid when they take steps to hurt and abuse the trust once placed in them. It's sad, but it's true.


..And that my friends are not the kind to turn around and stab me in the back.


I don't have much words, but the feelings is twice the same if not more. I'm sorry for hurting my family, my mother.
And I know that I have been forgiven. :) It's a nice feeling to be here, to belong here.

Love to all those who've stood by me for so long. I love you people. :D

Went all over Park st with the trio :)

But weird things keep happening and I don't know what it is. And I don't know whether I should give it a thought or not.Maybe it's not worth it after all. It's just five days.

I've wondering too much about why ugly people (now, ugly according to me is totally different. Well, ugly according to me would be FAT people, who I take pity of, instantly at the spot, I see them at) read MY blog.

Please do not keep a tab on me. I'm not interested in your oh-so-pathetic life, so please show no interest in mine.

Leave me ALONEEEEEEEE. :x Argh!

On a nicer note, Ceebee, Deebee, Z, Rich and I met met up today. I surprised Z and went to his house for the first time, today and then later hung out at South city and had Roll, cha and fags at Rasta'r cha'er dokan, aha!

..and Rich gets a complimentary drink!!! I love her, and I do not care about you. Yes! And you have been replaced, now, go cry in a corner and lucky if you find someone's shoulder, baby. :X

Long over due :)

Almost two years and going strong. :D

Dated: 22nd Nov' 08.

*comes rushing back*
Self taken. :D

At Someplace else, Park street, Calcutta.

Whatta fun day with Sambit, San and Zom. I got so high. I had so much of fun, I haven't had in a long long time. :D

I come online and the first thing Sambit says is, apparently I never speak in Bangla, I mean what shit, I'm ALWAYS speaking in Bangla.

Gah, I can't write much now. I'm going to bed.

Rich is here tomorrow, with her sprained ankle. :( :'(

Fashion was good, but tooooooooo much of a drag. I couldn't keep myself from yawning.

Ta...

Laters!

Rohit and I met up for Dostana, and boy it was absolutely HILARIOUS. Priyanka Chopra looks SO hot/different and it is THE hair, (and if you disagree with me, then of course you are jealous because you can not look as good as her, ha!!!) John on the other hand was absolutely Delectable, yum! :P

And Boman Irani, ohgod he was the sweetest and no other could have played that role the way he did. :)

Now, I want to watch Fashion. :D

Ohoh, and we saw the Rab ne bana di jodi and FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, Shahrukh looks so HOT even at 40!!! (He is more than 40) I was droooling.

I met Solo yesterday and Sambit today. Finally I'm going places. Sambit and I went out drinking, I had intially wanted to take him out to SPE, my treat totally. But then he said he wasn't in the mood to drink, instead we went to this bar in Dhakuria. Then he wanted to walk it to the Lake. Argh, what is it with people and the Lake?! Yesterday Solo and today him. :'(

Anyway, he wanted to walk it to the Lake, I was okay with it, we went below the bridge and then he lost his way, I of course did not know the way, and then we took a cab home. I had two large Smirnoff and got HIGH!!! Hee hee. Sambit had two large pegs of Signature.

I feel fun, finally. :P

San comes home today, no? I forget. :(

I feel very weird, these days. I'm so cranky, I do not understand jokes anymore, I do not like people bad mouthing me, even though I know it's all fun. Actually I don't like them typing it, bad mouthing me in front of me, is fine. I think. ;)

I think I am pmsing. Lol

I don't know for what ultimate JOY, am I in Calcutta for. I miss my best friend terribly. I haven't seen her for almost a month, (and I think that is what is getting to me)if people tell me something about her, I'm like dude, fuck off, I already know this and then they are like, relax will you? If I remember well this hasn't ever happened in two years, not seeing her. I do not feel like going out and socialising. I think I'll go here and I'll go there, but when people start to make plans (which of course is very rare) I do not want to leave the house anymore.

I love lazing around in my house, even though I drive my mother absolutely crazy and crazy doesn't even begin to ..

All in all, I just don't understand myself anymore. :( :(

My father lives among us, through my mom's stories about him. :(

I wish I was there, when he was there. sigh

Jaan baaki hai magar, saans ruki ho jaise.

The other night while conferencing on the phone, we asked Z all sort of weird questions, like what does T like, how does she like it, etc, which got Z too scandalized, and he started to blush over the phone (yes and for those who don't know how to understand when someone blushes on the phone, go dance in the traffic)
He gave us weird details and we termed a word called 'piggy style.' ;) It reminded us about SG giving his details. How he'd blush, change the topic and then start it himself, all over again, making us giggle. Heh. :D

We went out in the evening, went to KFC, Park street. Happily hogged out asses off, smoked outside, then trudged along to T3 and was dissapointed to know they don't allow smoking either. Someone had misinformed that they still do. Then we walked all the way to Camac street where we noticed a long string of eating joints have closed down, namely Malgudi Junction, Chats of Kolkata and Coffee Pai (I thought, I'd go to CP, this time. How I always loved their Icy Rocky Road) Then walked it down to Hungerford street, we spotted the dhaba, it only looks SO clean the entire lane, and we promised ourselves that we'll be back to have their Chicken Bharta. :P

Still walking we reached Gurusday, called SG told him what we ate, he did not hurl abuses and then cut the line on our faces (okay he didn't, the network was screwed) wThen out of the blue, Z came up with a weird question about Child Porn, ugh! And at last reached Ballygunge. Walked a lot, talked a lot. I'm loving this and hope it gets better in time. We still have to go to Missy's momo plaza, so many things to do, such little time, NOW. :(

Dear God,

Please let Richu come to Calcutta. Please please. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :X :X :X :X










Please. falls on knees and begs and prays also.

This is getting nicer, like good ole' times. I cannot wait. But I love this time, time to wait, time for anticipation. :D :)

I went walking to Mama Mia today, had After eight and then English Mocha (Am I mixing it up with Sweet Chariot?) sat there for sometime, then plugged the speakers of the pod into the my ears and went walking all the way to Southern Avenue and back.

Went to Indthalia, had Devil's Mocha there, bumped into Rumell and Am from School, ugh. Bad scene, excused myself and walked out.

Came back walking. Good walk, took a lot of things off my mind. It does help. :)

Some times I just want to Doze my Sadness Away
Then I Remember that Ive always been an Insomniac. :(

Mujhsey aur nahin hota. Aur nahin hota. :(

I'm giving up and going under.

Met the old Homo today, just chatted up over coffee. It was simple and nice, and then went for a walk to Pantaloons because he wanted to buy a certain 'tantra' teeshirt, which of course was not available.

Parchi naa, bhalo laagchey na, eikhaney. Ekdom naa. :( :(

How can someone speak so ill about the two RM's in my life?! They are MY life and I would die without them, totally.

SG, I agree is ... *looks for the right word* Diplomatic and that comes across as being selfish and he does that to purely save his own skin, which I don't think is a bad thing.

But this is the limit, really.

My question is why should I NOT crave for your attention, when you give me SO much of credit for it. I'm so credit worthy!! :P

On a serious note
Recent observations, people claim to be busy when they are simply writing a blogpost, changing their FB status or cribbing to a friend.

I'm the bekarest (Is that even a word?) of all, I have chicken pox, what were you thinking?! ;)

I earn, I support my mother, I have fun with my friends.

What have you done, lately?
Bitching?
Cribbing?
Brooding?

After chasing everyone off from everwhere. It's JUST us. Even Anil has vanished. :)

Scars are still fresh on my face. I like scars but on foreheads. :(

Sigh.

Non veg day out

Aajkey auto'e jhulte jhultey, ami first Gariahat gelam, there from there, I took another auto to Jadavpur and then to South City, I'm still getting used to the city, it's SO weird. Today again I told the autowala, sir and he sized me up, lol.

Went to Flame and Grill the place is pretty, but food is bad news except for the starters and the keema. They don't even have proper desserts. Only Gajar ka halwa, gulab jamun, suji, fruits and ice cream (chocolate sauce). Hats off to Cafe` Masala, seriously.
Then had raasta'r dokaney'r chaa, and came home auto'e jhultey jhultey. :P


Oh, I had non veg for the first time, in ten days and I already have rashes on my arms. Odd, very very odd.

Ish. Disgusted. What a liar. How did I manage to stick around for so long? Eew. Yuck. Thooooooooo. Whatta mega bitch, Guha coined the term.

GJ was right in '05.

He'd told me, Trina, you don't know her at all, I know her from six years, and this comes from experience, in due time, you will see.

I saw, I stayed and I left, willingly so. :)

Thanks to
SB, SG, RM1, RM2 and CB.

If I've forgotten anyone, please comment and remind me.

first name: Trina.

single or taken: Single.

sex: Female

birthday: September 15th.

siblings: One.

hair colour: Black.

shoe size: between 4 and 5.

height: 5'2".

innie or outie: -.

what are you wearing right now: Black T shirt and red 3/4th.

righty or lefty: Righty.

can you make a dollar in change right now: I have exactly fifty bucks on me, will that do?

------------------------------------------------------------
relationships
------------------------------------------------------------

who are your closest friends? Rich, Zom, Guha, Debo, Sambit and Sani. Others are close but not as close as them. (So please, no offence)

do you have a BF or GF? No.

best place to go for a date: Coffee joint.

---------------------------------------------------------------
favourites...
---------------------------------------------------------------

favourite place to shop: Brigade, Forum, Marathalli (All in Bangalore).

favourite colour: Black and Maroon.

number(s): 6, always.

animal: Dogs.

drink: Beer.

sport(s): Not at the moment.

fast food place(s): Bake 'n' sip and Kebab Magic.

month: September.

current movie: Want to see 'Fashion,' 'Changeling,' 'Let the right on in' and 'The curious case of Benjamin Button.' Saw 'Midnight meat train' and 'PS: I love you.'

juice: Pineapple.

finger: The middle one.

breakfast: English or Australian breakfast.

favourite cartoon character(s): Tom and Jerry.

----------------------------------------------------------
have you ever:
----------------------------------------------------------

given anyone a bath? Yes.

smoked? Yes.

bungee-jumped? No.

made yourself throw up? No.

gone skinny dipping? No.

eaten a hot dog? Yes.

put your tongue on a frozen pole? No.

loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes.

broken a bone? Yes.

played truth-or-dare? Yes.

been in a police car? When I was a kid, yes.

been on a plane? Yes.

been in a sauna? No.

been in a hot tub? No.

gone swimming in the ocean? No.

fallen asleep in school? No.

ran away? From?

broken someone's heart? I think so.

cried when someone died? Yes.

cried in school? Yes.

fallen off your chair? Yes.

sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yes.

saved e-mails? All the time.

fallen for one of your best friends? No, because the moment I fall, that person doesn't remain my best friend, anymore. The answer is, only once. Big mistake. Never again.

made out with JUST a friend? You can say, yes.

used someone? Not deliberately.

been cheated on? Ofcourse.

----------------------------------------------------------------
what is...
----------------------------------------------------------------

your good luck charm? I have. Not naming..

the best song you ever heard? Keeps changing, at the mo' it's 'One Love' by U2.

the stupidest thing you have ever done? Flipped for someone, disgusting.

what's your room like? Clean, Rich keeps it clean. :)

the last thing you said? Guhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (on the phone to someone else)

what is beside you? Two cellfones, speakers, Bottle of water and one spare monitor.

the last thing you ate? Paneer Makhani.

what kind of shampoo do you use? At the mo' Garnier.

the best thing that has happened to you this year? Friends, good food and losing disgusting people.

the worst thing that has happened to you this year? Chicken pox.

----------------------------------------
have you had..
----------------------------------------

chicken pox? Yes (What do you think, I'm doing at home right now)

sore throat? Yes.

stitches? Yes.

broken nose? No.

-------------------------------------
do you
-------------------------------------

believe in love at first sight? No, please.

like school? Loved it.

--------------------------------------
would you/what is
---------------------------------------

if you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you? Good food, and MY friends. Just that, and some good looking people to lech at.

who was the last person that called you? Rich.

who was the last person you slow-danced with? Been a long time, since I slow danced.

what makes you laugh the most? Rich, Guha and his continous bitching.

what makes you smile? Unexpected text messages!

--------------------------------------
who is the last person
--------------------------------------

you yelled at? SB on chat.

who broke your heart? Noone.

who told you they loved you? Two people. One on phone one on chat.

who is your loudest friend? I ABOSUTELY DETESTE LOUD PEOPLE. Soumya, and she is not MY friend. (Got it off, my chest)
------------------------------------------------------------
do you/are you:
------------------------------------------------------------

do you like filling these out? Yes, good time pass.

do you wear glasses or contacts? No.

do you like yourself? I love myself. Period.

do you get along with your family? Mum, yes.

stolen anything over $50? After the converation, NO.

obsessive? Yes.

compulsive? Yes.

anorexic? No.

suicidal? No, please.

schizophrenic? No.

--------------------------------
love life
-------------------------------

do you have a crush? Yes. Two people, or three.

if so, does he or she know? No.

have you truly told him or her how you feel, face to face? Noway.

how did he or she respond? N/A

what is so great about him or her? Smile, the way they talk and respond. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
this or that
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

coffee or tea: Coffee.

phone or in person: Depends, totally.

are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Only one.

indoor or outdoor: Depends, again.

--------------------------------------------------
final questions
-----------------------------------------------------------

how many people are you sending this to: Noone, I got it off a blog.

what are you listening to right now? 'One love' on loop, 'Lift' and 'Picture perfect, pathetic.'

what did you do yesterday? Phone conferenced with 5 people for one and a half hours, bitched our hearts out. Best thing, new thing.

where do you want to get married? Who knows?

if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? To stop trusting disgusting people. I usually feel pity for them, and become good friends, must stop.

are you a good driver? Yes.

are you a good singer? Nope.

what do you dream about? My dreams are usually very broken. :|

Purono pictures dekhchilam, Flickr'e. Eita pelam. Aa'r koto apt time hote'e parena, to put this up, here.

Richu and me.
January 2007, Bangalore.
Amrita's place. :D

Did I act like a fool cos I didn't know what to do,
when you gave me just a little bit more than I bargained for,
a little too much in my hands when my hands are tied
It's the ultimate fling to go frolicking,
licking the muck from the soles of the boots of your pride,
everytime you lied.

Indthalia, I saw him today, almost after three years. He still looks the same, I think I do too, except I am not that fat anymore. I saw his girlfriend too, the same old one, she had a look of recognition on her face.

He looked at me, I looked at him, no I didn't not, actually. I saw her first and I instantly knew the gang or he would be there. He came in, went to the loo, that is when I had a good look at him while he was climbing up the stairs.
That's just it.

No acknowledgements.
None, whatsoever.

I miss you AB. I wish you gave us a chance. Or maybe it is better this way.

Mutiny

Fuck the memories.
We're dead at every turn.
So spin your fucking shit and we'll die with every twist of tongue.
Your hollow gaze has shifted past my eyes.
Another dead face fades away.
Now what's left to take?
Another day I regret your memory.
In my mind you will never be more that this.
So what's left to fucking take?
Now my trust is gone.
As your world comes crashing down I'm going to watch it fucking burn.
Everything we had lies in pieces.
Everything we had fucking dies... tonight.
Through those deceiving eyes I've seen the blackest heart.
The blackest heart.
Everything you love fucking dies tonight.