Is it true?
That you never existed?
That I wasted so many of my tears
That I still cry into clenched fists?

The woman's voice
I heard on the other end
Was nothing more than a make-believe
Figment of someone's imagination?

That the one I loved
I adored
Never died
Because you never lived before?

Before the stack of lies
That forced someone to hack out a dream
That only existed because of our desperation
To be needed?

I don't want to believe your aren't real
All the dark pain we shared
You put on one hell of an act,that convinced me you could feel
I would have stopped at nothing to chase away your fears

I, believed you to be in fear for your life
With no one to protect you
All the while you craved our strife
God, how could you?

Even put on a grand show
Convincing the world of your sudden death
How many attendees to your supposed funeral
Shed false tears as they mocked laughter under their breath's?

I dedicated my heart
To making you feel better
Would have given anything
To make you feel that much safer

I wrote poems to make you smile
I buried you when I thought you had died
In your memory my book was so titled
How this breaks my spirit, that you were just a lie

I'll cut my wrists
Slice my throat
Not for you...
But because of my being this endless joke

I don't want to feel anymore
Nor love again
Neither in reality
Not even for pretend

I just want to remember you
As I once did
So I can be ok
Living in all of this blood soaked sin

Who ever did this
Probably thinks he or she is very smart
But I'll damn you all to hell
For shattering this trusting and giving heart.

Oh, I'll move on
I'll find the humanity still held within
I'll never be the same though
This time I'll be extra picky, when it comes to choosing my friends.

Imagined or not....
This will eternally stain me
...With unforgivable, , decaying rot
That has once again, created my stupidity.