Heartache...

Don't you hate it when you can literally feel it?? Like there's a weight at the bottom of your heart, dragging it down, and hooks attached to both the sides, pulling it apart, while sharp shards of glass are being thrown and twisted into it.
Yes, that pretty much describes it.
I'm so tired of feeling alone, used, overlooked, left out, left behind and rejected.
It's pretty much no one's fault but my own. I'm too fucked up. Too paranoid. Too broken from past relationships. Too untrusting. Too scared of being alone. But mostly just too fucked up.
This is what I was feeling 2 days ago. I wouldn't admit it at the time, but this is how I felt.
Like I was NOTHING. I felt like I meant nothing, I was worth nothing, I was nothing.
And that's how I feel now.
...I'm being brushed (or shoved) aside again.
When will I ever learn??
I just need to pull back from everything and everyone and learn how to manage on my own.
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By the way, for those of you who having been hearing things about me and a certain situation in the month of March... I want to set the record straight, and I also don't want to end up saying something later on about it and people finding out and thinking that I was trying to hide it- because I'm not. I don't care what people think of me now. Go on, judge me, think whatever, I don't give a shit. Actually, I'd prefer to know what you really think. So that I can weed out right away who's really the type of person that I wouldn't want involved in my life. Because this isn't the end of this. I'm not all of a sudden perfect, now that I've hit society's picture of 'rock bottom'. So, first, to clear the number one misconception up-
I wasn't trying to kill myself.
I don't know. I'm so confused about everything right now, and I barely remember anything from that day. But no, I don't think it was.
That's all I wanted to clarify.