So, lust did last, and then it suddenly turned into unconditional love. :P

Nine.
Mammoth.
El secreto de sus ojos.
Quills.
District 9.
Hangover.

Okay, why have I NOT yet told my mother about the Australian contract ?

I guess, I am waiting, for the good news.

So, Tech lead or Technical writer ?
Frankly, I don't know.

Two songs, I am tripping on from, last evening.

Wonderful life- Hurts
First day- Timo Mass.


But, you must really manipulate to get your stuff done. I could not, that's why, so much of it is undone.

Cavannagh

Now that you are there, nothing else matters.
I think, I will make it. :)

Meltdown.


You can ask/do/say absolutely anything, and it's only the last word you say, that someone is supposed to consider. Everything else is to be washed away. Life doesn't have a CRTL+Z. Get that clear ?

Who could call my name without regretting,
Who could promise to never destroy me.


Of course, it is going to end. Of course, it's three and a half.
It always stops at two and a half, three and a half, five and then seven.

I feel it. I know you won't leave, but I know this too, I will drive you away, unknowingly, I don't even like talking to you anymore, knowing fully well, how much you dislike me, already. You said I lied, assuming, I did, I'd just say, I did not lie at the expense of anyone, I never do that.

You say, I know that you know, that I feel you don't care for me enough.
Yes, I've ALWAYS felt that.
You say, that's for me to know, and you to show.

But when have you showed it, really ? I have never felt you love or care for me, not one bit. What's the point in me knowing it, when I've never felt it, at all. The only time I actually felt something, was the time, there wasn't love, there was something else.

Help me get over this. Don't just say that you are there for me, I know damn right you are there, I need you to drag me out of it, drag me out of my personal hell. Can you ?

You say, I'm being extremely mean, perhaps I am, but I am not aware of that, talk to me, point it out.
You say, I've changed, but I have not. I care for you all the same, and I am never mean to you, I'd die than be mean to you. If I have changed, show me two things, and in turn, I will show seven more and prove you wrong.

You say, I need to take time off. Maybe, I need to. Perhaps.
So, I'm off for a while. You'll know where to find me, you always do.

You are the only person, I've met in this life, who feels a lot like me. Yet, I wish, we had talked. I wish you had let me talk, and not hang up the phone. I wish, you were there when I had cried and not said, 'Oh please, don't start crying, now.'

I miss your mails. You should write to me, sometimes. Maybe ?

I really need to go.

And you don't know everything. How I wish.

..and then she left. Just like that.

She said, I don't care.
And she did not, and she made sure, I saw that. And I did.

It will never be the same..

Is it providence or just plain dumb luck when at the lowest point in which, you must simply accept the fact that one of the most perfect symbiotic relationships has ended and that a new face appears and suddenly I'm captivated ?

This is not the same.

This time, I feel nothing. Is it in reality nothing or is this, the opportunity that I tried too hard and missed ?

This is not the same.

It feels so familiar.

This is not the same.

I will not turn this into that. You are unique, individual. I will take this for who you are in this moment, not picking up where another left off. But it will be difficult.

This is not the same.

Okay, I accept. I cannot pick up on subtle hints anymore, I know they are there, but I just don't know which one to feed one. :(

Enough is enough. :|

Heavenly creatures.
La vie en rose.
The human centipede.
Shelter.
The Orphan.
The painted veil.

I'm still wishing for a miracle, it's just that, it's different from what I wanted last week.

A lot changed, changing..

I don't understand this frankly, and I need a sign. C'mon, I need it. ;)
Change my life, and I think you can do it. Four years, and I want something different. This time, YOU do it, while I sit around waiting.

*looks at the phone*
Here we go again.. :P

You think you know someone, right?
Maybe you never did, and how that scares you
I'll shut my mouth for you
Just like your friend would do..

I love you.

Let down !!

Okay, so ?

Now, I feel really let down. For the past so many months, I had listened to you, I did not do the things you did not want me to do, I did not speak to the person you did not want me to speak to, I did not meet people because you had asked me not to.

And now what ?
I just should NEVER have listened to you. WHAT THE FUCK !! Just, what the fuck.

I'm not pissed. I'm just upset and so many other things.
You, are super happy.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SW, I wish you were here. I FUCKING NEED YOU. I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED YOU.

The constant gardener.
The blind side.
Lantana.
An education.
Case 39.
Into the wild.
The unborn.

You will remember and, I will forget.

It's happening.

It was stupid of me to trust anyone. It was stupid. Conned I am, yet again.

I move.

A very happy birthday to you, Snow. :)

The more I grow fond of people, the more they hate me.
Wow.

WOW !!
What a performance in June, work wise. I'm SO surprised at myself. Fark !! Fark !! Fucketh !!
I hope this continues, the good continues.

On a serious and a different note,

Dear God,

I need a miracle, like really. Peace and Miracle. Is that possible, or is it too much to ask for ?

-Me. (Your favorite child)

So, let's see what we've downloaded for the past week and watched,


A single man
Eclipse
Shutter island
Unthinkable
Kairo (Japanese)
Everybody's fine
Shrink
Up in the air
Two lovers

Back to square one.


All alone.

Shiverrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I've been dead since yesterday, I took three pills at last to get rid of my fever, it is not entirely gone, but will.

Twice now, in three months.

The movies that I downloaded and watched in the past week one week-
In order-


Pyaar impossible
Karthik calling Karthik
I hate luv stories
Ice age 3
Wake up Sid
A single man
Final destination 4
The time traveller's wife
Remember me.

No food, mindfucked.

Can't smoke, because it's been three months, I have quit smoking, and since the mindfuck phase is temporary, I don't want to start smoking.
One week. I just hope it gets better from here.

I watched Wake up Sid late in the night yesterday, I personally relate to this movie a lot. It's depressing, if you know what I mean.

God !!
I suggest you watch it too, and you'll know what I am talking about, when you do.

I really really miss you. :(

For the sake of my own sanity, I think people should really have the last word, and that I should leave them alone. :)

Why am I doing all this for you, when I claim to not love you anymore, at least to myself. I don't feel the same anymore, of course the connection is there, in fact it's really good, but this cannot make us last, there are more important things, and I don't think you get me.

Sometime back, I was ready to give up the world for you, I still am, but now it feels like a task. You come off too easy, I hate easy. I don't like you much right now, I do not. We need to stop this, I need to stop. I. I. I. I. I.

Tonight, I am re watching ESOTSM, takes me back in time.
So many things changed.

On a different note
I still miss you. It stays. :(

Yes, so I did plan to go with the laptop posted in the earlier post, I ran around all over south Calcutta to get the blue colored laptop, unfortunately all over the place they just had pink.

So, I had to settle for the best. :P



And I love my internet speed, seven hours and two movies. :)





I miss you. :'(

Today, it's all mine.

1. What curse word do you use the most?
I don't cuss. Fark ?

2. Do you own an iPod?
No.

3. What person do you talk to on the phone the most?
Mother, it's always been her.

4. Do you still remember the first person you kissed?
Yes.

5. Do you remember where you were on 9/11/2001?
Talking on the phone, someone informing me about the incident.

6. What was the last movie you watched?
Flashback of a fool ?


7. What is your all time favorite comedy movie?
Nothing comes to mind.

8. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
No.

9. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes.

10. What did you call your grandparents?
Didaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :D :D

11. What are you looking forward to?
Nothing, really.

12. What music are you listening to right now?
The Noose- APC.

13. What will you be doing in one hour?
Going out to buy the Laptop. ;)

14. Is anyone in love with you?
Nope.

15. Last time you cried?
Last afternoon. Yes, I cry too easily. :|

16. Are you on a desktop computer or a laptop?
Desktop, at the moment.

17. What is on your bedside table?
Retractor, keys, my debit card, a bottle of water, my wallet and my dog. :\


20. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Last week, I guess

21. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
4.

22. Do you eat breakfast daily?
No.

23. If you could go to any place right now, where would you go?
Nowhere, I'm very happy here. Content, totally.

24. What's a subject you wish you knew more about?
Every other thing.

25. What was the last restaurant you went to?
Peter cat.

26. Do you believe in Karma?
Yes.

27. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Two.

28. How many pairs of jeans do you own?
6 ?

29. Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep?
Yes, no, yes.

30. What perfume are you currently wearing?
Glacier.

31. What brand of shampoo and conditioner do you use?
Head and shoulders, always. I do not use any conditioner.

32. When was the last time you recieved mail other than junk mail and bills?
All the time. :|

33. How many different beverages have you had today?
I had Bull at work today, and I went mad. ;)

34. How many cities have you lived in?
2.

I'm totally in love with Joachim Loew.

Shit, I can not get him out my mind.

What an achievement !! :P

So glad to see you well, overcome them
Completely silent now
With heaven's help
You've cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead

The Germans couldn't make it, whatever happened to the predictions all over the world, I came to know about it last night, yes I'm heartbroken, and that's an understatement. I have fever and once again, I've lost my voice.

Goodnight.
More later. :( :(

I know you're rooting for Spain, I just know.

I want the Germans to join the Dutch.

Please make it happen. :( :'( Please.

- - Moon over mountain, Zippo.

- Puma watch. :P

- Night is the new day, CD. (Brand master piece)


Yes, Ebay indeed is the solution to every other thing.
My three purchases in one month. :D

Go Germaneh !! ;)

So now the two of us rely on each other
With our premonitions out in the gutter
Who would have thought that I’d make it this far

I’ll make it seem like I’m stronger but I’m quite the actor
And now I’m so caught up and I can’t escape this pattern
But when I started losing hope, there you were, there you bloomed.

Germany 4, yes yes yes !!

Will I like him as much as I liked Kahn ??
But I like him already.

Whatamatch that was. :P :P
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooper !!

The answer did not satisfy me. :\
But I do not care.

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet

Yay !!
Three days off, at a stretch. And my favourite days.

Friday night and Sunday afternoon. ;)

Lookit. ;)

Another one. I love it.

Truth be told, that Chardonnay wine had me sleeping for two days. Jeez !! :| :\
Goodnight, again.

Nothing stays.

Okay, So S bought me this the other day, I let it sit for almost a week and then the first glass hit me, I got drunk bad and I was yelling pissing people off, second glass I was snoring. This is a good sedative. ;)
This shit was good. :D

So please don't let it
Please don't let it go
'Cause if you won't let it I won't let it go
So please don't let it
Please don't let it go
'Cause if you don't let it I won't let it go

I'm trippy early in the morning, it's such a nice song. :P

My favorite tee shirts vanished, so did my green pull over, so did my Apple flask. Anyway, it doesn't stop me from winning this super sexy thing. :)

The resolution of the picture is bad. But whattodo ?
Time for Nikon. ;)

Hey
You used me
But I had none to confide.

Anything, you don't like, come in here. :)

Please win. :D
Please.

Over a month and no smoke at all. :)

I have done this on my own, without anyone asking me to quit.
I'm SO proud of meself. :D

Requiem

Tired again. Weary. I'm so dry for ideas. When will I get one? That idea. The idea. Words written. Words to write. Much to do. Much needed to be done. When will it be done? I'm tired of myself. I cannot lie. I will not lie. The words flow more freely now. Natural. Unplanned. A vision. An idea. Where does it come from? Men in a control room? Forget what they said. Forget what they do. Life begins and ends with only you.

Ignore sound. Ignore fate. You are fate. Your words are fate. Your dreams are fate. Your stories are fate. You are fate. Forget the time, the day. This is fate. Her sweet hands will once again be yours. No. They won't. Don't let yourself lie to you. Move past. Move on. Move forward. There's no other way to move. Psychology. Chemistry. Biology. History. Our story. You'll get it soon. You'll get it sometime. I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I'm afraid to stop.

Inspire me. Inspire. let's inspire. Dreams. Fantasies. Stories. It's you. It's fate. You're fate. We're fate. We're life. Life is long, unplanned. This is unplanned. There is no control. There is no order. It is all chaos. Unknown chaos. Figure it out. You'll find yourself figuring it out soon. Try not to worry too much. It stops your idea. It stops your thought. It stops the train. Worry stops it all. Don't let yourself worry. Prophecy. Prophets. I wonder where it comes from. If it's natural like this. If it just flows out of them, no thought before, no thought after. Just a natural chain of occurances (sp?) to predict the future.

To know the future. Would you keep it? The future. Would you want it? Maybe there is no such thing as future. Tomorrow always becomes today, so in reality, today is tomorrow. The future is the present, the present is the future. The past is the future. The future is the past. It's a big chain, and circle, a never ending thought process. It's a dream. It's a fantasy. It's unknown. Maybe that's the way it should stay. Who wants to really know? Who needs to know? Live. Be fate. Take control in the chaos. Plan to not plan. Spontaneous. Combust (sp?).

Fear is fire to keep you away. Fire is drive to move forward. Which is it? What is this ambiguity of life?

There are NO hellos and goodbyes..

I apologize to anyone whose life I’ve interfered with.



Actually, I don’t.



Anyone can damn well know that if they didn’t want me there I would have left. If it pains a person so much to be around me they can simply seal themselves off to me. Those who are sick of me need not be discrete about it.



I do hope though, that I’m not simply being used for somebody’s amusement, as to see how far down I can be driven before I die.



Me, my pain is the effect of leaving my heart open and vulnerable. I acknowledge that much. But I don’t need to be anyone’s burden.



My heart is a wasteful item. I’ll shred it apart myself. I don’t need memories. I don’t need love.



Heh, I'm fucking pathetic. I understand much more than I let on. I simply don't flow with the mainstream of society. I've observed enough to know what the world has come to. I don't belong here. I believe in chivalry. I believe in innocence. I believe in love. I believe in faithfulness. I believe in goodwill. One can argue that I am simply naive. I’ve yet to ever observe any of these things myself, and yet I believe in them. I may never find a place where these ideals coexist, but to surrender them would be to surrender my heart. My heart bleeds because everything I ever hear, see, or experience shoots them down.

It is rather pointless to dedicate my life to pursuing something that is so false.

Nothing exists beyond the physicality of the world.

So, I won. :P
3:1.5 ?! :)

Good win. :)
Now, let's see the actual outcome.

Yes, so if you do not know how to love me the way, I want you to love me, then you do not love me at all, IMHO.

You are free to think whatever you want.

I turned you down so hastily
And it’s tearing me apart
In my heart of hearts I’m screaming
In my heart of hearts I cry
And it’s cold
So cold

So I found you
Found a way all through
The quiet cold of inner darkness
And now that you're here
It becomes so clear
I have waited for you always

Today, I went back and read our oldest conversation. And now I can almost feel you here, sitting on the sofa at the back of me, listening to music and playing with your old old phone.

I forgot, which one was it ?

Still at it. :)

Very very consistent.

All my life, I've thought I didn't have an ego, till yesterday.
They've proved it.

I guess, I'm glad.

..times have changed and now I find I'm free for the first time
feel so close to everything now
strange how life makes sense in time

I spent 12 hours straight at work. :)
Haha, what fun. :P

Today was so like B'lore, it was SO cloudy and windy, still is.
And, I have not slept, and I'm off to work.

Good times.

And I would freeze if you ever asked me, that was my way.

Dhurrrrrrrrr, abar din gona shuru, I hate waiting. :| :'( :(

Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.


Nostalgia for what we've lost is more bearable than nostalgia for what we never had.

Now should you expect to see something that you hadn't seen
In somebody you'd known since you were sixteen;
if love is a bolt from the blue, then what is that bolt but a glorified screw?
and that doesn't hold nothing together
Far from these nonsense bars and their nowhere music it's making me sick
And I know it's making you sick
There's nothing there, it's like eating air
It's like drinking gin with nothing else in
And that doesn't hold me together.

But for one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room
And I sailed around all those bumps in the night to your beacon in the gloom
I thought I had found my golden September in the middle of that purple June
But one crowded hour would lead to my wreck and ruin

And I know you like your boys to take their medicine
From the bowl with a silver spoon
Who run away with the dish and scale the fish by the silvery light of the moon
Who were taught from the womb to believe till the tomb
That as far as their bleeding eyes see
Is a pleasure pen, meant for them, builded and rent for them
Not for the likes of me
Not for the like of you and me

And for one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room
And I sailed around all those bumps in the night to your beacon in the gloom
I thought I had found my golden September in the middle of that purple June
But one crowded hour would lead to my wreck and ruin

Oh but the green-eyed harpy of the salt land
She takes into hers my hand
She says, "Boy I know you're lying
Oh but then, so am I,"
And to this I said "Oh well."

Well put me in a cage full of lions, I learned to speak lion
In fact I know the language well
I picked it up while I was versing myself in the languages they speak in hell
That night, the silence gave birth to a baby
They took it away to her silent dismay
And they raised it to be a lady
Now she can't keep her mouth shut

And for one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room
And I sailed around all those bumps in the night to your beacon in the gloom
I thought I had found my golden September in the middle of that purple June
But one crowded hour would lead to my wreck and ruin

For one crowded hour, you were the only one in the room
Well I played a few songs for those bumps in the night
In fact I played this very tune
You said, "What is this six-stringed instrument but an adolescent loom?"
And one crowded hour would lead to my wreck and ruin.

Assumptions !! *nods head*

Alright, may be I was wrong. But it's not too late. We'll wait and see. :)

When the silence beckons,
And the day draws to a close,
When the light of your life sighs,
And love dies in your eyes,
Only then will I realise,
What you mean to me.

I'm seriously depressed, now.

I don't know why SKIP happened.
I don't want to go there. No.

I want week days off, NOT weekends. I hate Weekends, officially.

So, is it Malaria this time around ?! :|

Monday, 7pm.

Once I was someone new I was chosen for a while then with time I am changing at least that is what they say..

So, the whole Calcutta seem to be online, today. Blinking red.
All hail, Bandh !! :P


This is a hate song just meant for you
I thought that I'd write it down while I still could
I hope when you hear this you'll want to sue

Oh it's a lonely life in my empty bed
And it's a quiet life that leaks from my head
These are the last rites
The line is dead

Yes, I'm hearing voices too
And I'm more cut up than you

Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.

My playlist:

1. Last kiss Pearl Jam
2. Are you there- Anathema
3. Exit ghost- Faderhead
4. Ain't no sunshine- Bill Withers
5. Ever- Team Sleep
6. 2wicky- Hooverphonic
7. Blindfold- Morcheeba
8. July- Katatonia
9. Leaders- Katatonia
10. The diary of Jane- Breaking Benjamin
11. Zombie- The Cranberries
12. Strange and beautiful- Aqualung
13. Humanity- ATB
14. The scientist- Coldplay
15. Extraordinary way- Conjure one

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library.

I've lost five kilos. So what ??? :|

My target is 60.

Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid

I cannot get over it. I just cannot.

Yes of course, why would you believe me ? You would only believe people who will con you later in life. It's all about you at the end of the day, all about you. I'm so pissed off from last night and all I need you to do is just aplogize and I think you should, but no, all you do is just sleep.

God, please kill MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
-Haruki Murakami.

I think the above applies to you right now.

On a different note, you have really raised the bar, I wonder who's next, it'll be really really hard to even qualify, that you and I both know.

Good thing SW. :D

Yawn

Refer to the other blog.

I’ve been conceiving you for too long

Or maybe I’m destined to be alone?
Or maybe there’s someone who will understand
That I’m not able to share my world?
I’m still running away
It’s crazy, I know

The more I feel, the less they feel. How is it even possible ?

So, I watched four movies:

No reservations
Saturday night fever
A walk to remember
Forgetting Sarah Marshall. :)

Okay, so finally something to smile about after two depressing weeks.

POTF are releasing their fourth album in March, I hope it is better than 'Revolution Roulette' and their new album is called, 'Twilight Theater.'

Okay, please give me a day and a date, I can work towards it, but without that I cannot go on, aimlessly, it's boring. Very boring.

The two movies that I watched here:

I am Sam and
3 Idiots.

So this flat seems very spacious in Koramangala, and it's nice since all of us get to do this sleepover thingie at the end of the day, we went to Forum/PVR early today to see what was running, Pyaar impossible was, and I wanted to watch, but none of them would. So off we went to Transit and ate and ate, and now I feel very sleepy. Off to Coorg again.

Places, I've been:
Unwind Island
LOR
Noons
Ruby Tuesday
Mojos (later today)
Transit (oh)


Coffee world and Creme and fudge has opened up near Ballygunge. And More did on Elliot road.


I NEED SLEEP.

So today makes it four months of being in HP. :P

And this is the first time ever, that I've finished reading two books at one go.

Blood memory by Greg Iles
and
Sam's letters to Jennifer by James Patterson. :)

We went to watch New Moon the other day, and Jacob Black is just as I had imagined. :D :D :D :D :D

Crap! I might need you more than any of us want to think about.

There's no failure here sweetheart, just when you quit. :)

Currently reading:
'Mosaic' by Soheir Khashoggi

Why do people make sides- of everything ?

A Fine Day To Exit.

You'd give it
We'd take it
You'd build it
We'd break it
You silently erase it
You'd feel it
We'd fake it.

Anything gray IS black.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

I'm too naive for the games you play.

Life spiralled. Damn Fibonacci.

I'll never be as good as you- at anything.
Even if that's true, you could be a little more generous about how you rub that in. :\

You claim to be my long absent friend
You are the cancer that just moved in
You come with the dark night of the soul
But I am turning my back on you
You know I do.

Gotta cut away, clear away
Snip away and sever this
Umbilical residue,
Keeping me from killing you

The little ball of wool said to me, who knows about people days