And now, I know, what a fool I once was, trusting those who do not even bat an eyelid when they take steps to hurt and abuse the trust once placed in them. It's sad, but it's true.


..And that my friends are not the kind to turn around and stab me in the back.


I don't have much words, but the feelings is twice the same if not more. I'm sorry for hurting my family, my mother.
And I know that I have been forgiven. :) It's a nice feeling to be here, to belong here.

Love to all those who've stood by me for so long. I love you people. :D

Went all over Park st with the trio :)

But weird things keep happening and I don't know what it is. And I don't know whether I should give it a thought or not.Maybe it's not worth it after all. It's just five days.

I've wondering too much about why ugly people (now, ugly according to me is totally different. Well, ugly according to me would be FAT people, who I take pity of, instantly at the spot, I see them at) read MY blog.

Please do not keep a tab on me. I'm not interested in your oh-so-pathetic life, so please show no interest in mine.

Leave me ALONEEEEEEEE. :x Argh!

On a nicer note, Ceebee, Deebee, Z, Rich and I met met up today. I surprised Z and went to his house for the first time, today and then later hung out at South city and had Roll, cha and fags at Rasta'r cha'er dokan, aha!

..and Rich gets a complimentary drink!!! I love her, and I do not care about you. Yes! And you have been replaced, now, go cry in a corner and lucky if you find someone's shoulder, baby. :X

Long over due :)

Almost two years and going strong. :D

Dated: 22nd Nov' 08.

*comes rushing back*
Self taken. :D

At Someplace else, Park street, Calcutta.

Whatta fun day with Sambit, San and Zom. I got so high. I had so much of fun, I haven't had in a long long time. :D

I come online and the first thing Sambit says is, apparently I never speak in Bangla, I mean what shit, I'm ALWAYS speaking in Bangla.

Gah, I can't write much now. I'm going to bed.

Rich is here tomorrow, with her sprained ankle. :( :'(

Fashion was good, but tooooooooo much of a drag. I couldn't keep myself from yawning.

Ta...

Laters!

Rohit and I met up for Dostana, and boy it was absolutely HILARIOUS. Priyanka Chopra looks SO hot/different and it is THE hair, (and if you disagree with me, then of course you are jealous because you can not look as good as her, ha!!!) John on the other hand was absolutely Delectable, yum! :P

And Boman Irani, ohgod he was the sweetest and no other could have played that role the way he did. :)

Now, I want to watch Fashion. :D

Ohoh, and we saw the Rab ne bana di jodi and FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, Shahrukh looks so HOT even at 40!!! (He is more than 40) I was droooling.

I met Solo yesterday and Sambit today. Finally I'm going places. Sambit and I went out drinking, I had intially wanted to take him out to SPE, my treat totally. But then he said he wasn't in the mood to drink, instead we went to this bar in Dhakuria. Then he wanted to walk it to the Lake. Argh, what is it with people and the Lake?! Yesterday Solo and today him. :'(

Anyway, he wanted to walk it to the Lake, I was okay with it, we went below the bridge and then he lost his way, I of course did not know the way, and then we took a cab home. I had two large Smirnoff and got HIGH!!! Hee hee. Sambit had two large pegs of Signature.

I feel fun, finally. :P

San comes home today, no? I forget. :(

I feel very weird, these days. I'm so cranky, I do not understand jokes anymore, I do not like people bad mouthing me, even though I know it's all fun. Actually I don't like them typing it, bad mouthing me in front of me, is fine. I think. ;)

I think I am pmsing. Lol

I don't know for what ultimate JOY, am I in Calcutta for. I miss my best friend terribly. I haven't seen her for almost a month, (and I think that is what is getting to me)if people tell me something about her, I'm like dude, fuck off, I already know this and then they are like, relax will you? If I remember well this hasn't ever happened in two years, not seeing her. I do not feel like going out and socialising. I think I'll go here and I'll go there, but when people start to make plans (which of course is very rare) I do not want to leave the house anymore.

I love lazing around in my house, even though I drive my mother absolutely crazy and crazy doesn't even begin to ..

All in all, I just don't understand myself anymore. :( :(

My father lives among us, through my mom's stories about him. :(

I wish I was there, when he was there. sigh

Jaan baaki hai magar, saans ruki ho jaise.

The other night while conferencing on the phone, we asked Z all sort of weird questions, like what does T like, how does she like it, etc, which got Z too scandalized, and he started to blush over the phone (yes and for those who don't know how to understand when someone blushes on the phone, go dance in the traffic)
He gave us weird details and we termed a word called 'piggy style.' ;) It reminded us about SG giving his details. How he'd blush, change the topic and then start it himself, all over again, making us giggle. Heh. :D

We went out in the evening, went to KFC, Park street. Happily hogged out asses off, smoked outside, then trudged along to T3 and was dissapointed to know they don't allow smoking either. Someone had misinformed that they still do. Then we walked all the way to Camac street where we noticed a long string of eating joints have closed down, namely Malgudi Junction, Chats of Kolkata and Coffee Pai (I thought, I'd go to CP, this time. How I always loved their Icy Rocky Road) Then walked it down to Hungerford street, we spotted the dhaba, it only looks SO clean the entire lane, and we promised ourselves that we'll be back to have their Chicken Bharta. :P

Still walking we reached Gurusday, called SG told him what we ate, he did not hurl abuses and then cut the line on our faces (okay he didn't, the network was screwed) wThen out of the blue, Z came up with a weird question about Child Porn, ugh! And at last reached Ballygunge. Walked a lot, talked a lot. I'm loving this and hope it gets better in time. We still have to go to Missy's momo plaza, so many things to do, such little time, NOW. :(

Dear God,

Please let Richu come to Calcutta. Please please. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :X :X :X :X










Please. falls on knees and begs and prays also.

This is getting nicer, like good ole' times. I cannot wait. But I love this time, time to wait, time for anticipation. :D :)

I went walking to Mama Mia today, had After eight and then English Mocha (Am I mixing it up with Sweet Chariot?) sat there for sometime, then plugged the speakers of the pod into the my ears and went walking all the way to Southern Avenue and back.

Went to Indthalia, had Devil's Mocha there, bumped into Rumell and Am from School, ugh. Bad scene, excused myself and walked out.

Came back walking. Good walk, took a lot of things off my mind. It does help. :)

Some times I just want to Doze my Sadness Away
Then I Remember that Ive always been an Insomniac. :(

Mujhsey aur nahin hota. Aur nahin hota. :(

I'm giving up and going under.

Met the old Homo today, just chatted up over coffee. It was simple and nice, and then went for a walk to Pantaloons because he wanted to buy a certain 'tantra' teeshirt, which of course was not available.

Parchi naa, bhalo laagchey na, eikhaney. Ekdom naa. :( :(

How can someone speak so ill about the two RM's in my life?! They are MY life and I would die without them, totally.

SG, I agree is ... *looks for the right word* Diplomatic and that comes across as being selfish and he does that to purely save his own skin, which I don't think is a bad thing.

But this is the limit, really.

My question is why should I NOT crave for your attention, when you give me SO much of credit for it. I'm so credit worthy!! :P

On a serious note
Recent observations, people claim to be busy when they are simply writing a blogpost, changing their FB status or cribbing to a friend.

I'm the bekarest (Is that even a word?) of all, I have chicken pox, what were you thinking?! ;)

I earn, I support my mother, I have fun with my friends.

What have you done, lately?
Bitching?
Cribbing?
Brooding?

After chasing everyone off from everwhere. It's JUST us. Even Anil has vanished. :)

Scars are still fresh on my face. I like scars but on foreheads. :(

Sigh.

Non veg day out

Aajkey auto'e jhulte jhultey, ami first Gariahat gelam, there from there, I took another auto to Jadavpur and then to South City, I'm still getting used to the city, it's SO weird. Today again I told the autowala, sir and he sized me up, lol.

Went to Flame and Grill the place is pretty, but food is bad news except for the starters and the keema. They don't even have proper desserts. Only Gajar ka halwa, gulab jamun, suji, fruits and ice cream (chocolate sauce). Hats off to Cafe` Masala, seriously.
Then had raasta'r dokaney'r chaa, and came home auto'e jhultey jhultey. :P


Oh, I had non veg for the first time, in ten days and I already have rashes on my arms. Odd, very very odd.

Ish. Disgusted. What a liar. How did I manage to stick around for so long? Eew. Yuck. Thooooooooo. Whatta mega bitch, Guha coined the term.

GJ was right in '05.

He'd told me, Trina, you don't know her at all, I know her from six years, and this comes from experience, in due time, you will see.

I saw, I stayed and I left, willingly so. :)

Thanks to
SB, SG, RM1, RM2 and CB.

If I've forgotten anyone, please comment and remind me.

first name: Trina.

single or taken: Single.

sex: Female

birthday: September 15th.

siblings: One.

hair colour: Black.

shoe size: between 4 and 5.

height: 5'2".

innie or outie: -.

what are you wearing right now: Black T shirt and red 3/4th.

righty or lefty: Righty.

can you make a dollar in change right now: I have exactly fifty bucks on me, will that do?

------------------------------------------------------------
relationships
------------------------------------------------------------

who are your closest friends? Rich, Zom, Guha, Debo, Sambit and Sani. Others are close but not as close as them. (So please, no offence)

do you have a BF or GF? No.

best place to go for a date: Coffee joint.

---------------------------------------------------------------
favourites...
---------------------------------------------------------------

favourite place to shop: Brigade, Forum, Marathalli (All in Bangalore).

favourite colour: Black and Maroon.

number(s): 6, always.

animal: Dogs.

drink: Beer.

sport(s): Not at the moment.

fast food place(s): Bake 'n' sip and Kebab Magic.

month: September.

current movie: Want to see 'Fashion,' 'Changeling,' 'Let the right on in' and 'The curious case of Benjamin Button.' Saw 'Midnight meat train' and 'PS: I love you.'

juice: Pineapple.

finger: The middle one.

breakfast: English or Australian breakfast.

favourite cartoon character(s): Tom and Jerry.

----------------------------------------------------------
have you ever:
----------------------------------------------------------

given anyone a bath? Yes.

smoked? Yes.

bungee-jumped? No.

made yourself throw up? No.

gone skinny dipping? No.

eaten a hot dog? Yes.

put your tongue on a frozen pole? No.

loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes.

broken a bone? Yes.

played truth-or-dare? Yes.

been in a police car? When I was a kid, yes.

been on a plane? Yes.

been in a sauna? No.

been in a hot tub? No.

gone swimming in the ocean? No.

fallen asleep in school? No.

ran away? From?

broken someone's heart? I think so.

cried when someone died? Yes.

cried in school? Yes.

fallen off your chair? Yes.

sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yes.

saved e-mails? All the time.

fallen for one of your best friends? No, because the moment I fall, that person doesn't remain my best friend, anymore. The answer is, only once. Big mistake. Never again.

made out with JUST a friend? You can say, yes.

used someone? Not deliberately.

been cheated on? Ofcourse.

----------------------------------------------------------------
what is...
----------------------------------------------------------------

your good luck charm? I have. Not naming..

the best song you ever heard? Keeps changing, at the mo' it's 'One Love' by U2.

the stupidest thing you have ever done? Flipped for someone, disgusting.

what's your room like? Clean, Rich keeps it clean. :)

the last thing you said? Guhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (on the phone to someone else)

what is beside you? Two cellfones, speakers, Bottle of water and one spare monitor.

the last thing you ate? Paneer Makhani.

what kind of shampoo do you use? At the mo' Garnier.

the best thing that has happened to you this year? Friends, good food and losing disgusting people.

the worst thing that has happened to you this year? Chicken pox.

----------------------------------------
have you had..
----------------------------------------

chicken pox? Yes (What do you think, I'm doing at home right now)

sore throat? Yes.

stitches? Yes.

broken nose? No.

-------------------------------------
do you
-------------------------------------

believe in love at first sight? No, please.

like school? Loved it.

--------------------------------------
would you/what is
---------------------------------------

if you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you? Good food, and MY friends. Just that, and some good looking people to lech at.

who was the last person that called you? Rich.

who was the last person you slow-danced with? Been a long time, since I slow danced.

what makes you laugh the most? Rich, Guha and his continous bitching.

what makes you smile? Unexpected text messages!

--------------------------------------
who is the last person
--------------------------------------

you yelled at? SB on chat.

who broke your heart? Noone.

who told you they loved you? Two people. One on phone one on chat.

who is your loudest friend? I ABOSUTELY DETESTE LOUD PEOPLE. Soumya, and she is not MY friend. (Got it off, my chest)
------------------------------------------------------------
do you/are you:
------------------------------------------------------------

do you like filling these out? Yes, good time pass.

do you wear glasses or contacts? No.

do you like yourself? I love myself. Period.

do you get along with your family? Mum, yes.

stolen anything over $50? After the converation, NO.

obsessive? Yes.

compulsive? Yes.

anorexic? No.

suicidal? No, please.

schizophrenic? No.

--------------------------------
love life
-------------------------------

do you have a crush? Yes. Two people, or three.

if so, does he or she know? No.

have you truly told him or her how you feel, face to face? Noway.

how did he or she respond? N/A

what is so great about him or her? Smile, the way they talk and respond. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
this or that
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

coffee or tea: Coffee.

phone or in person: Depends, totally.

are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Only one.

indoor or outdoor: Depends, again.

--------------------------------------------------
final questions
-----------------------------------------------------------

how many people are you sending this to: Noone, I got it off a blog.

what are you listening to right now? 'One love' on loop, 'Lift' and 'Picture perfect, pathetic.'

what did you do yesterday? Phone conferenced with 5 people for one and a half hours, bitched our hearts out. Best thing, new thing.

where do you want to get married? Who knows?

if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? To stop trusting disgusting people. I usually feel pity for them, and become good friends, must stop.

are you a good driver? Yes.

are you a good singer? Nope.

what do you dream about? My dreams are usually very broken. :|

Purono pictures dekhchilam, Flickr'e. Eita pelam. Aa'r koto apt time hote'e parena, to put this up, here.

Richu and me.
January 2007, Bangalore.
Amrita's place. :D

Did I act like a fool cos I didn't know what to do,
when you gave me just a little bit more than I bargained for,
a little too much in my hands when my hands are tied
It's the ultimate fling to go frolicking,
licking the muck from the soles of the boots of your pride,
everytime you lied.

Indthalia, I saw him today, almost after three years. He still looks the same, I think I do too, except I am not that fat anymore. I saw his girlfriend too, the same old one, she had a look of recognition on her face.

He looked at me, I looked at him, no I didn't not, actually. I saw her first and I instantly knew the gang or he would be there. He came in, went to the loo, that is when I had a good look at him while he was climbing up the stairs.
That's just it.

No acknowledgements.
None, whatsoever.

I miss you AB. I wish you gave us a chance. Or maybe it is better this way.

Mutiny

Fuck the memories.
We're dead at every turn.
So spin your fucking shit and we'll die with every twist of tongue.
Your hollow gaze has shifted past my eyes.
Another dead face fades away.
Now what's left to take?
Another day I regret your memory.
In my mind you will never be more that this.
So what's left to fucking take?
Now my trust is gone.
As your world comes crashing down I'm going to watch it fucking burn.
Everything we had lies in pieces.
Everything we had fucking dies... tonight.
Through those deceiving eyes I've seen the blackest heart.
The blackest heart.
Everything you love fucking dies tonight.

Can't wait for the 30th of November. Just cannot.

I miss RM. :(
I'll miss the weekends.
I'll miss relaxing over a smoke and exchanging all the gossip.
I'll miss fighting over what to get for you, and then running down.
I'll miss seeing you, play God!


I cannot put all these down here, it is simply NOT possible. Thangod, I have my best friend, as my roomie. No, roomie isn't the right word. It can never be. Roomie is someone you meet somewhere, and then you don't have anyone to stay with, you room with the person, despite you hating the person, but having no other choice.

This is different. This one is filled with emotions, not only that, Love. Love will always be there. It cannot survive without it.


So, I won't say with or without you.

It is ALWAYS with you.

My Twin. Hug!

I miss Bangalore so much. :( It is so boring here in Calcutta, I miss my normal life and the most of all, I miss my work, I miss the responsibilities that were given to me. :( I wanted to come to Calcutta, wanted fun to last for a very short span of time and then go back, so that I could savor the small/little things, in my head. But here, not that, am I having no fun, (I'm up for it, but not in the mood) but it's plain normal.

All I do is laze around and do nothing, I understand the fact that I need to rest, but the question is, for how long, how much is enough? When do you know, that you've had enough and the worst part, I'm so full of energy that it's shocking.

I'm having the best stuff at home, but without salt (fuck all the bloody doctors in the world, oh and no meat)

I give you, I need rest.

All day
Staring at the ceiling making
Friends with shadows on my wall
All night
I'm hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good
For something

Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

(chorus)
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

See me
Talking to myself in public
And dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me

Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

(chorus)

Talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
They'll be taking me away

I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again

Stuff here have started to piss me off, too.

I'm glad that I am going home next month.

I feel so mean sometimes. And it's just not me. We Calcuttans have become so self centered and mean from the time, we've started residing in this city. Maybe it's good after all, maybe this is the way to get rid of people/one's past.

Wait a minute, I said. MAYBE. :D

The last bash

2008

When all is said and done, this is the outcome.

Maybe?

On a serious note, things have begun to piss me off very badly. I don't like what they say, they should know that some lines should never be crossed in a friendship. Ah well, if it pisses me off to a certain point, I won't bother keeping in touch, and I've done it before and I won't mind doing it again.

My financial lawyer


My twin.


And me.

It will be different this time, I hope. :D

Boyfriend out, girlfriend in?

Rich and me at Zom's.



At work.

Weekend was spent happily with two of the best people, I can ever ask for.

It was different, it felt different. Not everyday, do you go to someone's house drink, cook, act mad, let your true self come out. It's better than sitting in a coffee shop wailing away my time and then getting restless.

Three people, it only took three people for me to realise.

Madcaps, sala.

More to come. :)

I didn't like the face I saw in the mirror today, ah well what can you do? Nothing. Absolutely Nuffin'

Oh mahn, how much do I hate falling ill, just the type of illness, I have now. Fever and everything is fine, but I hate losing my voice, I don't want to be stuck at home, I don't want to lose my leave balance. I DONT WANT THIS. :(

Guha is in love with Bangalore, period. We three/four had one of the best weekends ever. He's gotten through ISI, took him to YO! China, Corner House, Pecos, Mc Donald's and Blossoms'. Unfortunately, I didn't go for the sleepover, and aparantly they did have a blast, watched movies, boozed and watched a lot of movies. :(

Can't wait for him to be here, and I can't wait for sleepovers like ole' times, but certainly with new people, but then again, not so new. :D

It's been one whole year, since I've moved out of my city.

Guha is in town, and as predicted we are enjoying ourselves to the hilt. Yesterday we lunched at Mojos, moved onto Donut Baker, then to the Ganja park and then to Koshy's, where we bitched about everyone possible, and not to mention Guha bitched about me to Dev, as if I wasn't even present. :| Expecting a sleepover, lets see how that shapes up. :D

I like him, now. We both have grown up so much, from '03- '05 and then '08. And those semi retards, can seriously go fuck themselves with the little finger.

I certainly feel like one. Oftentimes, I feel a complete understanding of the phrase "Getting Old" - or, at least, getting older. I get to work on time, (no other choice) run errands, grocery shop some times. I not only have a financial budget, (in my mind) but strictly adhere to it. I have a self-designated cleaning day for my clothes. (which seems to be everyday) Hangovers are a decent deterent (sp?) from drinking. Death-defying stunts fill me with more apprehension than awe. I’ve become a bit fake. Right and wrong have a stronger gray areas, which I’m not as concerned about treading upon.

Certainly feels like I’m an adult...



Then again...

I oversleep and don’t mind the occassional over-drink. Bedtimes aren’t adhered to. (what do you expect, anyway?) Mistakes are rampant, goals missed.

And...

And I've found my IPL teeshirt, I knew it was stolen, still looking for my earphones. I miss music.

I hate building anything from scratch, especially if I have put my heart and soul into something and then, that just goes away. I know it will, very soon. Not so soon, but soon enough to actually realize.

Mamu used to tell me not to make too many friends, he'd say make friends but only keep them at a distance, so that they don't get to set any expectation on you. Back then, I was like what a fuckin' loser man, but now. when all my realationships fail or just fizzle out, I begin to think.

I don't like it. It is untrue that everyone is alone in this world. Everyone has somebody, where is my someone? Where? I don't like being alone at all, and boy, I AM alone. :( :(

I don't know what to say anymore, because at this point of time, I am not feeling very good. I actually want to be pampered a bit, and if possible loved. :( :^(

'Get smart' is SUCH a smart made movie. Anne Hathaway, IS hot. Sort of reminded me of Kay.
There was not a single moment when I didn't laugh. Absolutely hilarious, considering I've not slept the entire night and today morning.

Today is such a nice day.

Some people spend their entire life, looking for some love.
Some people spend their entire life, trying to get over someone, they once loved.


Where am I, hanging between both? The answer is No.

After three seconds of thought, it's the second one. Yes, still.



Time.

Bad days.

I thought that feeling was gone, but from the past week, it's crept back again. I don't like it, and even though I'm very happy here, there is something lacking. Problem is, I know what it is.

Woman, bitch all you want. Because I won't be seeing your face ever, unless ofcourse I bump into you, and realise who you were.

Phoo.

Rub the grin

When I take out my debit card to pay, howcome you never offer to pay half of what you've eaten, or wasted? Why not, you should, should you, not?

It's not my fault, that you never have the money. It's not my fault when my text message clearly stated, that it is not a good time to come down and that you might as well, go home. But no, with you, it's all about, what others are going to think of me, isn't it?

I'm not here to party, neither am I here to take anyone's responsibility. I hate intrusive people in my life, I hate it when I am not given space. I hate it, when I have to answer about, where I'm going, what I'm doing, who my friends are, my room mate doesn't ask me such questions, for crying out loud.

I'm not responsible for your boredom, so stop making me feel gulity. Oh and I refuse to feel guity, anyway. I have my life here, and I don't want to carry excess baggages from my past. If you want to stop calling a 'friend' please be my guest.

And I seriously think, you should go back home, especially when you've told people, that you are travelling with me, I mean what in the world has hit you?

You are not the same person, I used to know.
Not that I am the same, anyway. But that's the whole point, here. Innit?

Smirk.

Just go, will ya? ;)

'You will know who I am, once you see me, again' That is what I said to her.

... after two months.

I don't get, what's the whole deal with people. I know of a such person, who uses you openly and she's very open about it, too. And then ignore calls, I mean what the bloody fuck.

And when she needs me, she'll go on calling me, like there's no tomorrow. I mean, it was okay when I was there in Calcutta, I'd let myself get used up, cause I didn't have better things to do in life, I was such a fuckin' low life, but not here, not this time, around.

I refuse to be with such people. And I shall not take your calls, anymore. Soon.

The only good thing about the trip was to totally get wasted on Booze and weed and have a GOOD conversation with Deenabandhu. :)

I've come far, and though I'm far from the end, I don't mind where I am, 'cause I know where I've been. :)

Okay, I'm bored.

Foolish, it is, really, though it cannot be controlled, can it?
Hope is futile.
Hah!
I despise it, really, though, at the same time, I continue to feed it, to give it life.
Damn the innateness (sp?) of it all.
Void.
Void.
Void.
The result if change does not occur.
Maybe?
Histrionic, yes.

Everytime, it is ruined, only due to my permitance.

You may have been right.

I'm so mindfucked, I want to write so much here and I do have so many things to write about, but I cannot, not because it's public, but I just cannot.

I need to concentrate.

You see, they always remember

Ah, shit.
Yet another epiphany.
Lovely.
[oh yes, please note the sarcasm]


Feelings-wise, aren't we supposed to feel something, say something, when something happens to someone?
Or is everyone like me in this respect?
Someone could tell me that their friend died and I'd just sit there, look at them, blink a couple times, saying 'oh, I'm sorry' and go straight back to my work.
Aren't you supposed to feel more than that??

I feel completely, detached from my feelings.
Like my emotions and my body are two separate things.
People can show emotion towards me and my mind won't even pay attention.
It'll just go anywhere. And I don't feel bad for ruining a moment.

Pretty. Odd.

It's been the fourth day. Damn, I miss her. :( :(

But, I'm going home, tomorrow. :D

Elligible for support

iLog releases on May 15th.

Waiting...

I look, she looks.

Most of the time, I cannot even look into her eyes, heh.

Am I reading into this a bit too much?

Eva Mendez, in short hair and specs!!!

Hot OR Not?!

I'm grinning, like a fool.

A very good friend of mine, walked out of his house today, and when he came to my room to bid me goodbye, he looked very nice, I've never seen Z look so nice, he had tears in his eyes, while he hugged me tight, and told me all the shit that he has been facing.

At that moment, I felt so helpless to see him cry, 'cause all I could do is just hug him tight and never want to let go of him, but life always tricks you, it has to. In this four years, that I've known him, I've seen the side of him, which noone even bothered to, not even his so called 'girlfriends.'

I've seen him grow up to (not so much, 'cause life always tricks you) a nice funny, talkative, depressed, heartbroken, loving, drunk guy. I shall miss him so much, the evenings, when he'd make me coffee, we'd indulge in talking and smoking too much of tobacc.

Going, going, GONE.

Tagged by Solo

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:

i 'There will be blood' on Satuday afternoon

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

The Windup bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami (I'm a very very slow reader)

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

Business and Ludo.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?

Tinkle (new favourite)

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Cold coffee, Domex, Vicks, the aftersmell of fags mixed with aftershave/cologne on my hand (I don't remember muxh at the moment)

6. FAVORITE SOUND?

-

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

Being betrayed by the people I love (not that I haven't betrayed anyone)
Somene crying in front of me (which happened last night and I felt so terrible)
Wanting to help people, but cannot do a thing about it

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?

When can I go home?

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

Casablanka, Casa Picola, One Step up, KFC(Park street) (none of them are fast food place, all eating joints, restuarants)

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?

Vana (fuck, where did I come up with that?)

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?

A hotshot fashion photographer. (I haven't yet given up on that dream)

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?“

I don't drive 'cause I don't have a vehicle, but I'm a rash driver

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

Oh please.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?

Romantic, if I'm at home

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

Yet to own one

16. FAVORITE DRINK?

Cold coffee, Red bull, White wine, Banana split and Mango milk shake

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD .....

Keep in touch with people, who complain for me not being in touch with them

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?

I think, I do.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

Purple, and not if I could, my hair IS purple, but visible only in light.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.

Kolkata and now Bangalore

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Cricket, Baseball and soccer.

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.

Pretty girl and VERY photogenic (I would know)

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?

Nothing.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?

MYSELF.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?

Night all the way

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?

Sunny side up.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?

My terrace and in the room.

28. FAVORITE PIE?

Clay pie. (yum!)


29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Cholcate and mint.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

Who knows?


I tag Rich, Mandy and Sambit.

It's spinning all over again, I'm liking it. I don't want to get addicted, neither do I want to get off the ride, but at some point I know I'm going to end up feeling all giddy (sp?)

Let's do this one more time, shall we? ;)

On my weekly offs it is just nice to stay at home, I hate to go out, just lay back and do nothing concrete. Sleep (not much) talk with the favourite one (Rich) hog, watch movies, take a walk on the terrace, or just look down on people from the verandah, and when I do that, I feel like God, always do.

I smirk. ;)

Everyday, I become a Zombie or lets say, I space out for an hour and a half.

Wo! What a weekend. :) :)

Dangerously faster goes the spinning of my head
I'm left here with disaster from the things I left unsaid
Smitten and I'm awestruck at new things that Ive felt
Prone to more disaster as I fall down at your feet
Hollowed and I'm upset at the things not meant to be
I'm a burdened yet still burgeoning soul
Someday I might just find unbridled hope
Though thoughts stay kneeling at your rope
I cannot seem to climb though Ive tried before
My heart will only let me stay and write it all away
It keeps me under lock and key to reminiscing (sp?) yesterday

Personally everything is good, but sometimes people at work gets to me. They just won't understand the fact that they are being ignored, bloody wannabes.

I took Joe out to have Bengali food, he is one person we (Dini, Peri and I) miss the most at work. Miss having Dosa for breakfast with him, I hate to step into the Cafeteria without him.

Life's looking good once again, and I am getting or gotten over most stuff in life. Y thinks I am the most nonchalant person, he's ever come across, and I tell him, he hasn't seen much in life.

On a different note, how hard is it to sync music into an Ipod?
Dumb Fuckbags. :|

Today was excellent.

We've gotten a flat, and if everything goes according to the plan, we're going to start packing from Saturday, and move in by 1st March.

Glad that, the four of us can stay together, as planned randomly in Calcutta.

Time to go shopping. Rich and me. I love ya. :D

I miss Debo. :(

I think I'm extremely possessive about the people I love.

I hate her, I hate him and I hate another him. Lol.

Too much of bitching at work, and I'm frankly tired of it, sometimes, it's fun but other times, it's plain boring.

I couldn't go to work today, friends called up from work, bitching. Heights, I tell you.

Last Saturday partied after a long long time, went to Pecos, among four people we had six pitchers and two plates of Chilli Beef and Garlic Pork, then we went walking to Java city, where we all had the shitty cold coffee.

Laughed at RD and PS' look-alikes. Jesus, this City I tell you, is full of look-alikes. :D

It's a lovely weather here today. Shriku and I met again after almost four months, he's here to visit me, and will be here again in May.

He gave me a treat at KFC today and told me, it's his birthday tomorrow. How stupid of me, I didn't even know about it. :(

While sitting on the steps of PVR

SB: Trina, people love you a lot
Me: Yes? How do you know?
SB: They come to visit you from all over the place
Me: That's not true, some from Calcutta..
SB: and me?
Me: Okay okay, if this is what you call love, then love it is. *grin*

.. and it's a miracle.

After two weeks of slogging my ass off at work, I get to be, where I am.

Somehow the smile has gone away from my face, they keep saying that at work. I have been told by three people already and it's just been a week, not even that.

Yesterday at smoke break. Sandy looks at me funnily, and says

S: Is something wrong?
T: Why'd you ask?
S: After last Friday, you don't smile neither do you talk to anyone at work
T: Yeah that incident, just don't remind me. I'm still regretting it.
S: Chill maari, that's what you call life.
T: *smiles* I guess.

I've made the biggest mistake of my career, last Monday. I don't know what I was thinking.

I shall never forgive myself for this one. :( :(

Sandy, me and my work. :(

I don't believe myself, all I do these days is, dream about work, wake up and think about it. :(

Zom and RB is coming to B'lore for two months. Yay!!!

.. and I thought putting up conversations on the blog was attention seeking?

Bitch.

Stop crying your heart out!!!

One of those lil' rare random games we used to play. Out of the blue, I'd say 'if you were to choose between... which one would you go for?'

Classic Menthol/Marlboro?
Menthol.

H Street/Saltlake?
H Street.

Chicken Biryani/Beef stake?
Biryani.

Coffee Pai/T3?
Coffee Pai.

Party: BYOB/SPE?
BYOB (at your place).

Now if anyone were to ask me to choose between 2004 and 2005/2006 and 2007, I'd go for the former. Sleepovers, the four of us,(whoever the other two would be) fights, late night movies, walking the entire stretch of Elgin Road at one am, Darjeeling, Diwali/Aids party, 31st, when you got drunk and ran around with an apple, heh. 'Woh Lamhe,' birthday parties, din din at Cal club, Jalepenos, (sp? the initial days) Bakery carnival, checking out hot guys/girls together, H Street CCD, Xaviers, Who's line is it anyway? Spongebob Squarepants, I know what you did last summer, lying down on the terrace OR sitting near the door while the sky looked down on us, walks to Landmark every evening followed by you hogging Raj Kachauri. Now comment and tell me, (if you find the post that is)how much of your true self have you lost in this bargain of life?

I miss that honesty, I miss you telling people, how blunt/honest we are, with each other.
Best friend, extended family and support system!

People like me miss you, and then they make an effort, but reality hits hard when I realise, everything I do at the end of the day is futile, atleast anything in regard to you.

Those were the best days of my life. Botton lineis, you forgive people for abusing you, you forgive people for letting them use you, you forgive people , who makes you cry, you forgive people who lets you travel alone in a cab, (given those days)when you were drunk, just on the eve of your birthday, but...

You never forgive the person, who stood by you, all along, because you were too blind?????
No.
Because I was a sidekick, and you were having your share of fun.

Obsession..

M is right, I should just STOP obsessing, but the question is how? It's hard, I try so much, but I cannot, normally, I don't think much, but then there are times, I just can NOT.

But then again, if I was really obsessing, I'd go to the length of stalking, etc.. which normal obsessers do, but I don't do anything of that sort, I just think, is thinking and crying over it, that bad?

Someone help me, I say again.
It is easier said than done.

Epiphany

And, I'm back. :)

They never saw me.

The night death got drunk

So yeah,big shit that i got drunk.I read a very old email from an old time friend,and got very nostalgic and texted another friend of mine,good that i didn't call her up,which i was about to.I mean people these days.She just brushed me off saying Good to hear that,that i got drunk.What the fuck?Talk about bloody sarcasm.

I just wanted to call up someone and share how miserable i was feeling.I just wanted someone to cheer me up.I guess,i just chose the wrong person.Aaah well.Next time i'll know better.

...people show their love in so many ways...some call every day to share their daily news, others only once in a while to share their moments of downtime,which i was going to today...still some will offer their patience and advice while others are looking for a shoulder to cry on...and while everyday is not about fireworks and ardent declarations...its these moments that make you realize that you are truly blessed...or maybe not.

count me out.

before i ever get a chance,

before you see my heart,

before you let me get too close,

before my heart is in the picure...

too late...

count me out.

when im no longer of use,

when you dont need me to help hold you up,

when you find something else with a grander design,

when I've poured out all I have to offer,

when I have nothing left to count,

count me out...

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

You Are The Fool

You are a fascinating person who is way beyond the concerns of this world. Young at heart, you are blissfully unaware of any dangers ahead. You are a true wanderer - it has be difficult finding your place in this world. Full of confidence, you are likely to take a leap of faith. Your fortune: You are about to embark on a new phase in your life. This may mean changing locations, jobs, friends, or love status. You are open about what the future will bring, and free of worry. You have made your peace with fate, and you're ready to start down your new path.

What Tarot Card Are You?

What Green Day want to do with you...
Name / Username
Billie Joe wants to	give you his guitar
Mike wants to	bum u
Tre wants to	tongue you
They all want to	fuck you
This fun quiz by FreyaCool - Taken 456 Times.

New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy.Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic.You make people laugh until their sides split.And you're always up for some play time!

What Muse Are You?

No good deed goes unpunished
I learned that truth from you
After all we were put through
Drawn so close
Taken for granted
Torn to shreads so easily
Never given a chance to cherish what a wonderful thing we had
Never so much as a chance to know we had anything at all
It's funny how you miss things when they're gone
It's funny how you tend to help the people you miss
The people you'll never admit you still care about
It's funny when they don't even notice
It's funny when you realize it's really gone

Power Rangers Movie!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are one cool cat. You let the good times roll
but also like to have fun but of course
slipping in that occasional cat nap.

What type of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How am I suppose to feel
about the emotion appeal
of something I have no feeling for.

All it takes is one step
the closer you are
the harder you fall.
Isn't reaching for you goal
a better feeling than not trying at all?

Constantly being mislabeled.
Criticized by the hypocrites.
Take a look in the mirror.
You are exactly like me
whether you want us to be.
I'm just like you
doesn't really matter
what you try to do.
Just like me
you are constantly mislabeled
and criticize by the hypocrites.
The only difference is
I stand tall to what I believe
that's the only difference between you and I.
Conforming is the only thing you see
as a worthy possibility.

You scored as Outgoing. You outgoing and you have a very friendly personality. Outgoing 56% Nice 50% Dramatic 44% Shy 44% Immature 25% Fun 25% mean 25% what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?) created with QuizFarm.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Do I really want to know?
What this world has to offer.
Living in this cartoon show.
Laughing at others who suffer.
I close my eyes so I cannot see.
Happiness is far from free.
People living on selfish pride.
Their sins, they better hide.
Teacher's teaching. Sleeping with students?
The story is not congruent.
Father's love. Selling their own flesh?
How they’ll pay in their death.
Fed up with such suffering.
Ideas build, mind cluttering.
I’ve become too outspoken.
My road I have chosen.
A book on conspiracies.
Hidden by government beauracacy.(sp)?
It’s endless hope.
Being me is hard to cope.
They try to pay me off.
Hoping I’d cooperate.
Spread my disease as I cough.
This they cannot moderate.
They’ll see I was right.
Their day turning night.
Watch society as it falls.
Lead us into the hall.
Too materialistic? Too realistic?
Smile to my unknown.
My motives never shown.
But what do I know.
Isn’t this all just a put on show.

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me
To express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you?
When all this I was going through
You never took the time
To ask me just what you could do

We just had to ask
Maybe some one out of heaven
Would hear us down here

We couldn't bear to stand
How the people leave us waiting
For something up there

Oh, why did you leave?
and Why won't you come?
And save us again?

Come back to us spiders
Come uncrushed my hands
Let me sent beauty rain
And bring us love again, like you can

We just didn't know
Some one there outside of heaven
Heard us down here

We couldn't stand it here
Other people leave us longing
For something up there

Oh, why did you leave?
and Why won't you come?
And save us again?

Come back to us spiders
Come uncross my hands
Let me sent beauty rain
And bring us love again, like you can


So much time, we need to ask everything
How did it go, you need it I got it

Come back to us spiders
Come uncross my hands
Let me sent beauty rain
And bring us love again, like you can


I absoulutely love this song.
Moby-"Spiders"

Breathing :)

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I'm looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the straps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be